Friday, 13 November 2015

The Great Indian Marriage - But do we even know what Marriage is ?



                  Waise Pyar Ke Naam Pe hi Yaaron Sab Hua Hai.... Ab bus Pyar hi ho jaye, Itni Duaa Hai



Weddings, in India are huge thing. After ages and even after origination of Indus Valley Civilisation.We speak and focus on caste and religion system when it comes to marriage. 

I have been a wanderer in my life and I still remember my friends calling me unstable in my life. The reason behind me being unstable is my tendency of searching WHAT IS RIGHT FOR ME. I have always believed in one thing and even STEVE JOBS BELIEVES IN THE SAME VERY STRONGLY -


“If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.”




Today I'll share with you what great philosophers and Research Scholars have explored regarding marriage.  My first encounter happened when I bought a book in my 2nd year of college. I wanted to read about what is marriage. Unlike others, I 'm anything but traditional. You cannot explain me traditional things without facts and logics. I choose my own path and read and find reasons behind why,what,who etc. So I picked one book by Osho and I wanted to know what marriage is 

According to Osho - 


  1. India missed with arranged marriage; the West is missing with free love.
    India missed love because parents were too calculating and cunning. They would not allow falling in love: that is dangerous, nobody knows where it will lead. They were too clever, and through cleverness India missed all possibility of love.
    In the West they are too rebellious, too young; not clever -- too young, too childish. They have made sex a free thing, available everywhere: no need to go so deep to discover love, enjoy sex and be finished.

    Through sex, the West is missing: through marriage, the East has missed. But if you are alert you need not be Eastern, you need not be Western. Love is neither Eastern nor Western. Go on discovering love within you. And if you love, sooner or later the person will happen to you, because a loving heart, sooner or later, comes to a loving heart -- it always happens. You will find the right person. But if you are jealous you will not find, if you are simply for sex you will not find, if you live only for security you will not find.
  2. Love, and love as deeply as possible. And if love itself becomes the marriage, that is another thing, altogether different. If love itself becomes such an intimacy that it is unbreakable, that is another thing, that is not a legal sanction.
    Legal sanctions are needed only because you are afraid. You know that your love is not enough; you need the legal support for it. You know perfectly well that you can escape or the woman can escape, hence you need the policeman to keep you together. But this is ugly, to need a policeman to keep you together. That's what marriage is!
  3. Love affairs have been failing, and parents feel very happy. People come to me and they say, "Look, in the West love affairs have been failing. Then why are you against marriage?" they ask me. Love affairs are failing because first the marriage was arranged by the astrologer, then it was arranged by the parents, and now it is being arranged by biology, by instinct. You suddenly feel that you like a woman, but you don't know how long this is going to last and you are not even aware why you like her. You are not even alert to what it is in you that likes her. Maybe it is just her hairstyle. Now, are you going to get married to a hairstyle? You can get married, but tomorrow morning when you see her hair disheveled you will be at a loss: "Is this the same woman I fell in love with?" How long can you be interested in the hairstyle? Soon you will get fed up. The same hairstyle again and again -- the whole day, twenty-four hours a day...!

    People are falling in love because a certain man has a certain type of nose. People are falling in love with fragments! Nobody is bothered about the totality of the person -- and it is a vast thing. The nose does not count for much -- after two days you won't look at it at all. Or the color, or the shape, or the proportion of the body -- all these things are very minor. The real thing is the total functioning of the person, and that can be experienced only when you live together.
Then I read about Buddha and Buddhism 

In Buddhism - 

Marriage. Most religions and moral codes of the West draw a clear, bright line around marriage. Sex inside the line, good. Sex outside the line, bad. Although monogamous marriage is the ideal, Buddhism generally takes the attitude that sex between two people who love each other is moral, whether they are married or not. On the other hand, sex within marriages can be abusive, and marriage doesn't make that abuse moral.


According To John Gottman - 

If there's one lesson I've learned in my years of research into marital relationships--having interviewed and studied more than 200 couples over 20 years--it is that a lasting marriage results from a couple's ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship. Many couples tend to equate a low level of conflict with happiness and believe the claim "we never fight" is a sign of marital health. But I believe we grow in our relationships by reconciling our differences. That's how we become more loving people and truly experience the fruits of marriage.
Although there are other dimensions that are telling about a union, the intensity of argument seems to bring out a marriage's true colors. To classify a marriage, in my lab at the University of Washington in Seattle, I look at the frequency of fights, the facial expressions and physiological responses (such as pulse rate and amount of sweating) of both partners during their confrontations, as well as what they say to each other and in what tone of voice they interact verbally.
But there's much more to a successful relationship than knowing how to fight well. Not all stable couples resolve conflicts in the same way, nor do they mean the same thing by "resolving" their conflict. In fact, I have found that there are three different styles of problem solving into which healthy marriages tend to settle:
o Validating. Couples compromise often and calmly work out their problems to mutual satisfaction as they arise.
o Volatile. Conflict erupts often, resulting in passionate disputes.
o Conflict-avoiding. Couples agree to disagree, rarely confronting their differences head-on.
Previously, many psychologists might have considered conflict-avoiding and volatile marriages to be destructive. But my research suggests that all three styles are equally stable and bode equally well for the marriage's future.





http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Me-Tight-Conversations-Lifetime/dp/031611300X/ref=pd_sim_14_5?ie=UTF8&dpID=41loI6rImdL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR101%2C160_&refRID=055ZQNDDR0BCFE4VPKTA


These are 2 amazing books which I read before getting married and it cleared many many doubts which we fail to speak with our friends or families. Books are my lifeline, so I love to read.

After reading so much about Love,marriage and sex, I understood one amazing thing about marriage. And my reader, I would only tell you one thing regarding this, Never marry for any reason, Marry when your heart feels right,marry when you feel it is right. Caste,colour,looks,money,nothing matters. All thats matters is our soul and our happiness.

Today, I consider myself among the luckiest ones who are happily married and I can't believe I am still crazy in love with my husband and it's a blessing that he is in love with me with the same intensity.

I am like Fire when I fight and he is like water, but our fights are like 2 lions,who are wild and furious, but after 9 years of bond also, after anytime when we fight, our make out session upgrades to an another level. Its more passionate and it's more of love when we consume each other. 

I was judged by so many people in my life when I was getting married, But I knew I was right for only one person. If I was with anybody else I was cheating him and his family completely. I cannot do such things in Life. I only go where my heart and soul goes. I might be wrong, but that's me and maybe that's why I'm very very happy in my Life, My Career, My family and friends. 


You need to be with people for right reason, wrong reason give wrong experiences. And Life is too short for using and manuplulating others. I can't, Many can I guess. But I value happiness, childlike marriage and naughtiness. For me I have found the one who even if gets burned today, I will kiss his every scar million times. Even if he looses money, Ill earn for him. But I cannot live without him in my Life. 





You can subscribe to my blog to get such motivated experiences. You can also mail me at Priyankas.secret@gmail.com







No comments:

Post a Comment